Alyaan, gay man from Pakistan
My name is Alyaan* and I am a gay man from Pakistan. I am seeking asylum in the UK and I live in Micro Rainbow safe housing.
I’ve known I was gay since childhood. I started realising things when I was in 7th or 8th grade I was never interested in girls, only boys. And I would notice if boys were handsome. But in my culture, it is not allowed.
Eventually, because of my sexuality, I knew that I cannot live in Pakistan. No matter how much I try and control my feelings, some things you can’t control. The choice was either I have to die or I have to go somewhere else.
Leaving Pakistan
I left Pakistan and came to the UK after being caught with Ahamd*. We were childhood friends.
When I was away from Pakistan working, we wouldn’t see each other, but when I was back in Pakistan, we would met up. And when we last met, something happened between us, and someone saw us. They called both our families. And then they tortured us both physically and mentally. They locked me in a room for days.
I was desperate. I told my family: “Okay, I will change everything, I won’t do this again”. But my family called the Mullahs. And they told my family: “there is no forgiveness for such sins, you have to be killed”.
My father asked the Mullahs for one more chance, and I promised him that I would do everything they wanted: I would get married. But, I told them I needed some time. I needed to refresh and clear my mind after the torture they put me through. They agreed.
But they didn’t know I had a visa for the UK. I managed to get a ticket and flew here. Then I stopped talking to them, I cut all contact with my family. And I have not spoken to them since I got here, in 2024.
Arriving in the UK
When I first got here, I stayed with friends. But soon enough, I couldn’t afford the rent. I couldn’t work, and I ran out of money. My friends evicted me, and because I was homeless, the Home Office put me in a hotel. This hotel was in the middle of nowhere, in Bishop Stortford.
There was nothing there. It was in the middle of a forest, and it took an hour to walk to the town. There was one good thing – I was able to share a room with a friend, another gay man from Pakistan. We had met when I first moved to London, and he was also claiming asylum because of his sexuality. When I later also claimed asylum, we ended up being housed in the same hotel. We requested to share a room and it was accepted. But I was scared of the other people in the hotel. I began feeling more and more stressed and depressed, my mental health got really bad.
Moving into Micro Rainbow housing
I moved into Micro Rainbow housing in September 2025. When I moved in, I felt so safe. When you are in the hotels, if you go outside, you will feel some fear that everyone knows you are an asylum seeker. And in the hotel, some of the other residents know your sexuality and everything. So, you’re afraid of the people inside the hotel and outside. You have fear in your heart that people know things about you and might do something to you.
In Micro Rainbow housing, no one knows who I am here or how I came here. I live in an Asian area, and I like it. I blend in and feel safer as just another Asian person. I can live my life freely, I can go outside, I can go anywhere. And luckily my friend from my first hotel is here with me too, we moved in here together.
Community
Moving to London also meant I was able to attend some Micro Rainbow events in person. I had tried to attend some online ones when I was in Bishop Stortford but it was hard. In London, I attended body and movement, and also the asylum support sessions. At the body and movement sessions I met a lot of people, we talked and spent time together. It was so helpful for me.
Cooking and healing
The best part of Micro Rainbow safe housing is that we can cook our own food. I have some health issues which mean I need to eat certain types of food, and I can cook it for myself now. I could not do that in the hotel, I had no options. I feel much healthier now.
I feel comfortable living here with my friend. He gives me a lot of emotional support. Because of everything that happened to me with my family in Pakistan, I don’t trust many people. But with him I am safe.
Waiting for my decision
I am still waiting for the First Tier Tribunal to fix a hearing date. It’s been more than one year now. It’s hard to think about the future when you are waiting to find out whether you have one. Sometimes I feel very hopeless. I have provided all the evidence and everything, and still the Home Office has refused my case and that makes me feel hopeless. I am waiting to get a hearing date at the First Tier Tribunal; I really hope I get a positive outcome.
*Pseudonyms and stock images are used in this article to protect the identities of the people we work with.
